Ohana

In the hawaiian culture, Ohana means family. Family are peoples who are gifted to us. They are destined to stay by our sides throughout our life. We dont get to choose our family. They are a gift. One you cant reject no matter how much you refuse them.

I love my family very much. I would do anything for them. I am trying my best to protect them from any harm. However, my personality always failing my plan. Despite my good intention, the way i execute the action is rough and hateful.

I am a perfectionist who cant take a softer initiative. My way is always hard and angry. I cant tolerate even a little mistakes. Thats why i always warn them beforehand. All my warning, my advice are to prevent the mistakes which can leads to a lot of problem and its all for their own good.

However they never see my good intentions. All they can ever see is i am a tiger who swallowed the bees. Bad tempered. Rockhead. Miss always right.

And guess what happen next? OF COURSE THE DO THE MISTAKES I WARN THEM BEFORE! Its so annoying and frustrating. Its like you warn someone " if you take a step ahead you will land on the cow shit" but people think u are a noise and ignore u and take a step ahead and end up stepping on the bullshit. Isnt it annoying? And guess who they go to ask for help to clean their feet? YAAAA OFCOURSE! THEY FUVKING CAME TO YOU! What a gut.

I always want the best for my family. Even they hurt me so many times. I cant even ignoring them no matter how many times im telling myself to do so. Thats how much i love them. But i think they gonna kills me with frustration soon.

Kun fayakun

I always believe everything happens for a reasons. I had went through many occasions that prove that before. I am a true believer of the allah's kun fayakun phrase. Where it means, when allah approve it, it will happens.

But believe only is not enough to mend my broken heart. The pain of failing after trying so hard is too much. Im almost die everytime.

For the time being, the odds always on the opposite site from me. Everything went left no matter how many times i tell them to go right. They never listen!

I dont know if this is a redirection or simply punishment for my wrongdoings. I am a human with a lit of sins. I have cross over many lines, breaks many rules, rebels continuously.  I know it. I realised.

But please Allah, let lea finished her degree. Give her enough strength. I had invest everything in this journey. My youth, my money, my family. I gave up everything for this. Let me finish ya allah. Please let me. You are the only one who is capable. I believe in you. Dont test me on this. I am fragile.